突然想念一個很髒亂、很嘈雜的地方──舊德里。

那天清晨，飛了二十多個小時，十三個時區之後，底達這座混亂的城市。機場所在的新德里比舊德里的髒亂好上一百倍；然而機場外、火車站前，拉客的計程車、嘟嘟車司機，有如七月天的黑頭蒼蠅尋到腐肉，揮之不去；而且，猛烈的討價還價幾戶要讓疲憊的旅人崩潰，爭的也是小錢，只是不想被賣了！嚴重的時差中，對一個只有單耳聽力的人來說，舊德里的五味雜陳，烏煙瘴氣，是一種極為混亂的經驗。這是座沒有人行道的城市，小巷裡也隨時要讓身過往的機車、牛車、騾子．．．。

我竟然想念那個地方，想念討價還價的辛苦過程。

抵達利馬的夜裡，也是那樣疲憊渾沌的經驗──夜半開車兩小時車到舊金山趕清晨的班機，到了利馬機場又花了兩個小時，確定國內轉機的班次，坐上計程車，已近夜間十一點的利馬，竟然燈火通明，空氣十分不好；我的疲憊之外，多了一份不安。

到馬德里火車站的晚上也是那樣的感覺，古歌地圖顯示，旅館就在車站的對街，就是找不到能穿過多線車道的人行道，最後只能招計程車。

其實，不盡然是想念那些城市，而是想念那種頭皮發麻，手足無措，卻又新奇的興奮。那是到一個陌生城市的奇妙感覺。情況好的話，可以好奇地觀察不一樣的文化，異國的景觀；如果在舊德里那般紛亂的環境，體內的腎上腺素自動提振自衛的防線，在疲憊也要撐下去，時差不再是問題。

我想念那種生生的感覺。

封城太久了，我渴望到沒去過的地方去走走；六個多月以來，我每天過著同樣的日子：起床後去遛狗，遛狗後回來坐在電腦前上班，下午五點左右，關掉電腦，起身準備晚餐，晚餐後澆花，之後看點書，處理帳單，十點左右，我一定上床睡覺．．．。

記得剛開始的時候，還穿著長袖長褲，早晨是聽到自動設定的暖氣送風聲音而醒來的；不知不覺，長褲長袖換成短褲T恤，窗外的桃花開了謝，如今檸檬樹上的果實都有點微黃了；我還是過一樣的日子。

雖然能體會「也無風雨也無晴」的美好境界；日子過的太平但也會膩。我想出去走走。

這期間，我兩度更改去摩洛哥的旅行計畫。第一次，視疫情剛爆發，「封城」還是個很新的詞彙，電腦還沒學會這是一個「字詞」的時候，其實情況還沒那麼糟糕，為了讓家人放心，出發前兩天，我把行程更改到三個月後，希望屆時情況好轉。哪知道，兩個月之後，情況不但沒好轉，在鍵盤上敲了P A N 三個字母之後，自動選字就自動拼出Pandemics，這個每晚新聞上最常聽到的字！在我還沒做出任何計畫之前，航空公司取消了班級；第二天，摩洛哥鎖國，禁止外國旅客入境了！

「秋天見！」取消撒哈拉民訴的預約時，我這麼跟民訴的女主人這麼說的。我預計，秋天時，疫情也許會平息，摩洛哥會再開放。但是，我沒料到，自己所在的加州會成為重災區，許多國家都把我們貼上紅字，不歡迎我們造訪。我早就放棄了秋天出遊的念頭。

至今，我對明年春天只敢有希望，不敢有計畫。然而，安定的生活之下，有些騷動。

我渴望造訪一個新的地方，渴望再次經歷一種怯生的不安。

I miss the unsettled feeling of arriving at a strange place.

I dreamt about visiting Old Delhi, a chaotic place that I made my scalp itchy. The disorienting 11pm bright lights in the hazy smog in Lima also came to my mind. I thought of all the disorienting and terrifying travel experience. As horrible as those experiences were, they also stir up an emotion of excitement and curiosity. I miss that!

I came to a realization that after a long period of “shelter in place”, I have become restless. It is like having been walking in a Iong, dark tunnel for a while and yet have not seen the light from the other end. In the first stretch of the tunnel, I had to call off a planned trip to Morocco not just once, but twice. I voluntarily postponed the plan before the word “pandemics” became a common word on the newscast, anticipating to pick up what I left in three months time when the situation improved. Little did I know that the situation continued to deteriorate to the extent that at the second time I had no choice but abandon my plan because the airlines had canceled my flight and my destiny country had closed to all the visitors. When canceling my tour to the Sahara, I told the hostess that I would try to make the trip in the fall. But on this first day of fall, I am not even sure if I can go anywhere in Spring. The so-called fall travel plan had always been a mirage as what I had hoped to experience on that Sahara desert tour.

I consider myself luckier than most people. Neither did I catch the virus, nor did I lose my job and suffer from a financial blow. It is rather nice to be able to work from home. I found 90 minutes of extra time spared from my daily commute. Additionally, it is so comfortable to not to have to dress up for work. In short, I have a good life being shelter in place! I shouldn’t have any gripes considering that millions in the world have been suffering. No, no, I don’t have any complaints about my life.

I only have itches for doing something to break the monotony. I originally used the word “humdrum”, which carries a negative connotation that I did not want to project. I only miss going somewhere. Somewhere new, somewhere strange. I miss the sense of disorientation upon arriving at a strange city, not being able to tell apart the jet-lag, the rawness of a new place, or the mixture of my own naïveté and curiosity about a new place. I miss even the harassments of New Delhi’s cab/tutu drivers. I had deemed the haggling process with those drivers to be most unpleasant experience on my trip to India. But, now I somewhat miss the surge of my own adrenaline rush while haggling.

Yes, it is that excitement of being in a strange place.