小時候，我們家有一台風琴。

那台風琴放在二樓大廳外的陽台旁，陽台外就是一條大馬路。我常常一個人坐在那裡，用單手慢慢彈著自己記得的旋律。那時候不懂什麼技巧，只是單純地喜歡音樂，喜歡那種按下琴鍵、聲音流出來的感覺。

有一次，教會的牧師問我：「昨天是誰在你家樓上彈琴？」

我有點不好意思地說：「是我。」

他很驚訝地說：「你彈得很好！」

那位牧師非常熱愛音樂。他常常背著一個手風琴，帶我們到鄉下去傳福音。他一邊彈，我們一邊唱。他還用注音符號教我們學日文歌、英文歌。我們念著注音，把旋律唱出來。那段在海邊、在鄉間，一起唱詩歌、傳福音的日子，我到現在都記得很清楚。

從小學彈風琴的年紀開始，我心裡一直有一個夢想，希望有一天，我也能好好學鋼琴。

但在那個年代，這個夢想其實很遙遠。媽媽身體不好，沒辦法帶我們去上課；後來搬到台北，家裡經濟變得吃緊，更不可能學琴。最現實的是，學音樂需要大人接送、安排時間，而我們家，沒有這樣的條件。

於是，這個夢想就這樣被放在心裡，一放就是很多年。

等到孩子開始上鋼琴課，我曾經跟著他們一起學過一段時間，大概半年，也曾經一起上台參加 recital。那段時間很開心，但要上班、照顧孩子，根本沒有時間練琴。

沒有練習，再去上課就會覺得跟不上、甚至有點丟臉。慢慢地，也就停了下來。

後來的日子，我還是常常想：「如果有一天，我可以再學鋼琴就好了。」

我也曾經希望，有一天能在教會司琴，用音樂服事。

退休後 疫情過後這幾年，我也試著找過老師，但總是因為旅行太多，斷斷續續，沒有真正持續下來。

直到去年，我在 YouTube 上看到一個課程，說「年紀大了也可以學鋼琴，而且可以用比較簡單的方法開始」。我試著報名了一個一週的體驗課，沒想到越學越有興趣。

孩子知道我開始彈琴，在去年我生日時 送了我一台很好的琴。我很感動 好像那個小時候坐在陽台邊彈風琴的自己，又回來了。

我也曾經付費報名長期課程（大約八百美元），一開始的兩個月非常認真。但後來因為搬家、處理加州買房賣房的事情，又停了下來。老師還一直在微信上問我：「怎麼都沒看到你交作業？最近怎麼沒有上課？」

我自己也在想，也許我對鋼琴的熱情，還不如我對寫作的投入——但也不能這樣說，更多的，還是時間不夠吧。

只是，有一個念頭從來沒有消失過。

我還是希望，在有生之年，能夠真正把鋼琴學起來。

希望有一天，可以彈出自己喜歡的音樂。

更希望，有一天，可以在教會司琴，用音樂來服事。

這，也許就是我這一輩子，還沒有完成，但一直放在心裡的一個夢想。

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What is something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t yet fulfilled?

When I was a child, we had a reed organ at home.

It was placed on the second floor, right outside the main hall, next to a balcony that overlooked a busy street. I often sat there alone, slowly playing melodies I remembered with just one hand. Back then, I didn’t understand technique—I simply loved music, loved the feeling of pressing the keys and hearing the sound come alive.

One day, our church pastor asked me, “Who was playing the piano upstairs at your house yesterday?”

I replied a little shyly, “It was me.”

He said with surprise, “You play very well!”

That pastor had a deep love for music. He often carried an accordion and took us to the countryside to share the Gospel. As he played, we sang along. He even taught us Japanese and English songs using phonetic symbols. We would read the symbols and sing out the melodies. To this day, I still vividly remember those times—singing hymns by the sea, in rural villages, sharing faith together.

Since those early days of playing the organ in elementary school, I have always held onto a dream: that one day, I would truly learn to play the piano.

But in those days, that dream felt very far away. My mother was often unwell and couldn’t take us to lessons. Later, after we moved to Taipei, our family’s financial situation became tight, making it even more impossible. Most of all, learning music required a parent’s time and support—something our family simply didn’t have.

So that dream stayed quietly in my heart for many years.

After I had children of my own, and they began taking piano lessons, I joined them for a while—about six months. I even performed with them in a recital. Those were happy times. But between work and taking care of the children, I had almost no time to practice.

Without practice, going to lessons felt discouraging. I couldn’t keep up, and I even felt a bit embarrassed. Gradually, I stopped.

Still, I often found myself thinking, “If only one day I could learn the piano again.”

I also hoped that one day, I could play in church and serve through music.

After retiring, especially in the years following the pandemic, I tried again to find a teacher. But with frequent travel, my learning was always interrupted and never consistent.

Then last year, I came across a course on YouTube that said older adults can still learn piano, and that there are simpler ways to get started. I signed up for a one-week trial—and to my surprise, I became deeply interested.

When my children saw how much I enjoyed playing again, they gave me a beautiful piano for my birthday last year. I was deeply touched. It felt as if that little girl sitting by the balcony, playing the organ, had come back to life.

I also enrolled in a long-term online course (about $800). For the first two months, I practiced diligently. But later, because of moving and handling buying and selling a house in California, I stopped again. My teacher even messaged me on WeChat, asking, “Why haven’t you submitted your assignments? I haven’t seen you in class—what happened?”

I’ve thought about it myself—perhaps my passion for piano isn’t as strong as my love for writing. But maybe that’s not entirely true. More than anything, it’s probably just  because I’m too busy and don’t have much time left .

Still, one thought has never left me. I hope that in my lifetime, I will truly learn to play the piano.

I hope that one day, I can play the music I love.

And even more, I hope that one day, I can serve in church through music.

Perhaps this is the dream I have yet to fulfill—but one that has always stayed in my heart.