* 請問，這首詩描寫那一種醫學診斷?



        診斷

by Cynthia Cruz February 1, 2010
the New Yorker


笨拙，老被當成白痴
學者，變種，智障，我
 
行過自己的輝煌季節，
藏身水中

船舶，我親蜜的
火星，與無聲的

白日夢，神奇的林博式
沉思地帶。總是

魯鈍，又憨厚，心靈
盲目，又羞怯不已，

贏得所有拼字比賽，
所有數學競試，

領先別人做完，獲得
冠軍於科學測驗。

每季的榮譽榜獎狀
我所贏來的，藏在床底。

害怕人看，羞愧感
消磨了我。

而我反擊回去，
有如地主阻卻

野生竊賊聯盟，
以火焰，手持的火把，燒退

侵犯。小學時代，
在寢室裡傾聽金髮女郎同一首歌，一次

又一次，連續幾個小時，幾天，
幾年。沒有朋友

除了一位：沉默，坐在
我腦中。繞著屋子
 
一圈圈奔跑，五，十，十五
英哩，數著
 
所有放入口中東西的
卡路里—死命阻卻

侵犯，直到我僅存
一身，別無他物。

燒盡身體
而隨之逸出的是駕駛員

心靈的藍光。
眾人都說

以前我長得漂亮。
或許吧，那是很久以前了，

在有我以前。



               Diagnosis


Awkward, and almost always the idiot
Savant, mutant, retard, I

Travel my own effervescent weather,
In my underwater

Vessel, my sweet
Mars, and soundless

Daydream, magical sweep of Rimbaudian
Reverie. Always

Clumsy, and guileless, mind-
Blind, and deathly shy,

Winning every spelling bee,
Every math contest,

Done before the rest, finishing
First in science test.

Hiding the quarterly honor-roll awards
I won beneath the bed.

The shame of being
Seen consumes me.

And I fight it back,
A landowner warding off

Leagues of feral thieves,
With fire, handheld torch, burning back

The onslaught. In grade school,
Listening to the same Blondie song in my bedroom, over

And over for hours, days,
For years. No friends

But the one: silent, and sitting
In my head. Running laps around

The house for five, ten, fifteen
Miles, counting

Calories of everything put
Into my mouth—desperate to ward the onslaught

Off. Until I am nothing
But a body.

Burn the body down
And, with it, out goes the pilot

Blue light of the mind.
Everyone said

I was pretty back then.
Maybe, way back then,

Before I began.