二十歲那年，我大三，讀會計系。課業繁重，大學生活幾乎被作業與考試填滿。每天的日子過得規律而單調，和幾個要好的女生朋友一起上課、吃飯，在宿舍進進出出，日復一日。

我還記得，每週數次 ，幾個女同學會到我的宿舍來換體育課的衣服。上完體育課，我們再一起趕去上會計、統計。有些老師教得不好，我們就乾脆翹課。那時統計學老師實在講得太乏味，全班常常幾乎沒人去上課，有一次，我們幾個女生翹課跑到福利社吃午餐，竟然碰到那位老師。他看見我們，只是無奈地笑了笑，也自己去買東西吃。現在想起來，那畫面既好笑又帶點青春的輕狂。

我最討厭的課是電腦課，那些0和1的邏輯讓我頭昏腦脹，完全無法理解；微積分更是讓我提不起精神，常常一上課就打瞌睡，一心只想著下課後可以去買支霜淇淋犒賞自己。那時的我，並不是真的在學習，而只是隨著時間一天天往前走。

課餘生活也很單純。期中考後，我們會去士林夜市買衣服、看電影。因為當家教的收入有限，我很少為自己添購漂亮的衣物。更重要的是，我對自己沒有信心，覺得自己不夠好看，也不會打扮。和男生說話會臉紅，更不喜歡參加聯誼、郊遊或其他社交活動。

我大學4 年，除了班上活動外，只參加過一次電機系的活動和法律系的畢業旅行。每次看大學時期的照片，都覺得自己當年為什麼那麼沒有審美觀？戴個大大的紅褐色眼鏡，穿著土土的衣服，難怪會沒有自信，呵呵！

那段大學生活，在我心中一直覺很平淡，甚至空白。我雖然參加了台青社，接觸寫作和學校雜誌，但整體而言，我總覺得自己只是人群中的一個小螺絲釘，沒有特別耀眼的表現。

如果現在要我給二十歲的我一些建議，我想我會這樣對她說：

首先，請多看一些服裝雜誌，多注意外表一點！然後，對自己多一點信心。你並沒有自己想像的那麼不好看。很多時候，阻礙你的不是外在條件，而是你內心的退縮。

其次，沒有人是準備好才開始社交的。你不需要表現得完美，只需要願意走出去，參加一次活動，多說幾句話，人生就會多出許多不同的可能。

關於課業與未來的選擇。你當時並不喜歡會計，但你仍然選擇繼續走下去。事後證明，這個選擇帶來了穩定的工作與收入，讓你的人生有了安全的基礎。所以，也許你不需要否定當初的決定，只是可以在穩定之外，慢慢培養自己真正喜歡的事情。

最後，我想對那個二十歲的自己說：

不要因為覺得自己還不夠好，就放棄讓自己被看見的機會。

回頭看，那段日子或許平凡，但並不能說是空白。那些看似無聊的日常，其實一點一滴地塑造了今天的我。或許我無法改變當時的選擇，但我知道，那些經歷本身，就是人生的一部分。

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What advice would you give your 20-year-old self?

was twenty, I was a junior majoring in accounting. My coursework was heavy, and my college life was almost entirely filled with assignments and exams. My days followed a steady, predictable rhythm. I attended classes, had meals with a few close female friends, and moved back and forth between classrooms and the dormitory, day after day.

I still remember that several times a week, a few classmates would come to my dorm room to change into their physical education uniforms. After gym class, we would rush together to our accounting and statistics lectures. Some teachers were uninspiring, and we would simply skip their classes. Our statistics professor, in particular, was so dull that attendance was often extremely low. One day, a few of us skipped class and went to the cafeteria for lunch, only to run into him there. He saw us, smiled helplessly, and went to buy his own food. Looking back, the scene feels both amusing and a little rebellious in a youthful way.

The class I disliked the most was computer science. The logic of zeros and ones left me confused and overwhelmed. Calculus was no better—I often found myself dozing off during lectures, counting the minutes until class ended so I could treat myself to a soft-serve ice cream. At that time, I wasn’t truly engaged in learning; I was simply moving forward with the passage of time.

My life outside the classroom was equally simple. After midterms, we would go to the Shilin Night Market to shop for clothes or watch movies. Because my income from tutoring was limited, I rarely bought myself anything nice. More importantly, I lacked confidence. I believed I was not attractive and did not know how to dress. I would blush when speaking to boys and avoided social activities such as mixers, outings, or gatherings with students from other schools.

I once participated in an event organized by the engineering department and joined a graduation trip with law students. I vaguely sensed that some boys might have had an interest in me, but nothing ever developed. Looking back, it wasn’t that I lacked opportunities—it was that I lacked the courage to step forward.

For a long time, I thought of those college years as plain, even somewhat empty. Although I joined the NTU magazine Club and began exploring writing, I still felt like a small, insignificant part in a much larger crowd, with nothing particularly remarkable to show.

If I could give some advice to my twenty-year-old self today, I would say this:

First, have more confidence in yourself. You are not as inadequate as you think, and you are certainly worthy of being liked. More often than not, what holds you back is not your circumstances, but your own hesitation.

Second, don’t wait until you feel ready to start living your life. No one is ever truly “ready” before stepping into social experiences. You don’t have to be perfect—you just need to be willing to step out, attend an event, and say a few more words. Life will open up in ways you never expected.

Third, regarding your studies and future choices: although you did not particularly enjoy accounting, you chose to continue. In the end, that decision provided you with stability, a steady income, and a secure foundation for your life. So perhaps there is no need to regret that choice. What you could have done differently is to begin, alongside that stability, to nurture the things you truly loved.

Finally, I would say this to my younger self:

Do not give up the chance to be seen just because you think you are not good enough yet.

Looking back, those years may have seemed ordinary, but they were not empty. The seemingly mundane moments quietly shaped who I am today. Perhaps I cannot change the choices I made then, but I now understand that those experiences themselves are part of life—and a precious accumulation that continues to define me.