Think before you speak 思而後言

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

思而後言的六大理由，您是否曾經話才剛出口，就立即後悔、尷尬臉紅、無地自容，還真想挖個洞鑽進去？這裡有六個實例‧‧‧

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.  My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

[大俠註：blow是吹髮；blow job及blowjob另有不同的意思。]

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men’s balls"

[大俠註：men’sballs，文中是指男士用的高爾夫球；當然，仍有其它的意思。]

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

 [大俠註：nuts是堅果；boy’s nuts也有man’s balls的意思。]

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok(肆意橫行). I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's willy last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

 [大俠註：willy… 威力？…男士有的、而女士沒有的。]

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at McDonald’s for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my burger, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" (媽，妳看，乾淨的很，只是放屁而已！)While 30 people nearly choked to death on their food laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 [大俠忠告：麥當勞的薯條別給小孩吃太多。]

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan in America laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

天氣預報時常不準，各國皆然。有一晚美國密西根州天氣預報的8英吋大雪，並沒有發生，僅2英吋！次日早晨，密西根州的一位女性新聞主播在播報新聞中提到前晚的下雪量，突然轉向天氣預報員問道：「鮑勃，你昨晚答應我的8英吋呢？怎麼才2英吋！」