Six Reasons You’ll Find Love After 40
四旬後 春天到臨的六個理由
By Dr. Judith Sills Ph.D.
Editor's Note: Dr. Judith Sills is a clinical psychologist and the author of five bestsellers. Her newest title, Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted will be out soon.
編註：茱迪斯‧席斯是臨床心理醫師和五本暢銷書的作者。新著是：《抓到第二春：約會、戀情、性與愛，迅速自離婚、孀居、被棄或迷惘脫離。》
When an author introduces a new character half of the way through a novel, it feels contrived. Where has this guy been for the last 200 pages? If the heroine falls in love, it's hard to believe in the happily ever after.
當小說過半後出現新角色，定有蹊蹺。他之前幹啥去了？如果女主角墜入情網，實難相信自此之後會有幸福、快樂的日子。
You might be skeptical about the possibilities of a meaningful late entry in real life too. The dismal certainty that if a relationship is not right here in my life right now, then it probably never will be, darkens the outlook of so many divorced and widowed women. It probably limits their possibilities, too, since we tend to get what we believe we will find. And the fact is, women -- single, divorced, widowed, and, truth to tell, still married women who maybe wish they weren't, but haven't done a thing about it -- create meaningful, loving relationships at 40, 50 and 60 and on and on. Believe it or not.
妳或許會懷疑發生黃昏之戀的可能性。很多離、寡的婦女以為愛的前景暗淡，如果現在的感情不對勁，以後也不會有奇蹟。因為我們以眼見為憑，而局限了自己。事實是，不論單身、離婚、寡居的婦女，甚至已婚婦女，都不會指望在40、50或60 歲以後，發展出誠摯的戀愛。信不信由妳。
Yes, it's true that men die earlier so there are fewer of them. And it's true that they rarely lose their attraction to young flesh and so frequently look right through ripe fruit. But other things are true too, and they make loving connections likely to appear later in your life story:
真的，男人較少是因為他們死得早。另一個事實，他們很少會對小妞失去興趣，容易挑出適合對象。但是他們會和熟年的妳發生戀情，實情如下：
1. This time you don't need a "provider." Your nest is built, your babies have grown and this relationship is for your own pleasure. His package has less power (unless you are broke, of course. Then you are stuck in the traditional female romantic pursuit of the "provider") and that gives you more males from whom to choose. You might finally be open to connecting with a man's soul.
1. 財務自主。妳有巢、孩子長大，這層關係純為自己。除非妳負債，就不會陷入傳統婦女被供養的處境。因此，妳不必因為他的荷包看他的臉色，而有更多的選擇。最終可能會和一位男士心靈契合。
2. This time you don't need to please your parents. Your own parents are either aged or gone. With that great loss can come a freedom of spirit. Now you choose partners a little less to please your mom or defy your dad. That leaves a relationship with meaning to you.
2. 不必討好父母。此時妳的雙親已年邁或過世，這種重大損失帶來心靈釋放。妳現在選擇的伴侶與他們無關。這對妳是有利的。
3. You can't get pregnant. And by the way, the fact that you can't reproduce anymore is a great attraction to many men. Sure he gets automatically distracted when he sees a blonde 30-year-old in a belly shirt, but then he looks more closely at the belly and sees the possibility of a whole dreaded second family with 20 more years of tuition and soccer jail. He's happy out dancing cheek to cheek with you.
3. 不會懷孕。妳不再生育對很多男人頗具吸引力。當然，他會被年輕、金髮、露臍女子迷惑，但是當他細看她的小腹，會想到家即是枷。他會開心的與妳貼臉共舞。
4. Older men, open hearts. All men after 50 are not about trophies on their arm, any more than all women are seeking life-long "big daddies." Each gender has its share of opportunists that gives the rest of the group an ugly rep. Later in life, men often turn to love and connection, perhaps with more open hearts than they had at 25 or 30.
4. 老男人心地寬。年過50的男人不能再展現他的肌肉，而所有的女人都在尋求生命中的「老爹」，當然也有例外。年長後，通常男人會回歸親情，也許會比二、三十歲時，更為心胸開放。
5. More time, more money means more romance. Time and money are excellent relationship nutrients. You may have more time and disposable money now. He probably has more time and money now. Ergo -- relationship pleasure goes up.
5. 有閒、有錢、有浪漫。錢和閒滋養出良好關係。妳有時間和閒錢，他也不差。滋養歡愉的關係。
6. What's meaningful means something different now. Your definition of "meaningful" expands with maturity. As the definition expands, so do your possibilities. In your 20s and 30s, only those relationships that led to marriage were said to have "worked out." Now your field is so wide open. Live with someone? Maybe. Remarry? Maybe. Same sex, true love? Maybe. Travel fabulously with a married man and then happily send him home to his wife who has to deal with his sciatica? Maybe. The meaning is in the connection between you. The context matters so much less.
6. 「摯愛」的定義已然不同。妳對「摯愛」的定義會因成熟而放寬。二、三十歲時，這個關係的結果是婚姻，是努力獲致的成果。如今妳的視野更寬廣。愛上某人？也許。再婚？可能。性關係、真愛？大概。和已婚男人愉快出遊，高興的把他送回妻子身邊，讓她去照顧他的健康，也行。如何定義，只存在你們之間。實質為何，已無關宏旨。
That is the point, really. The life path unfurls before us for an indeterminate time. If you are some way down that path, and if yours goes to interesting and unexpected places, new characters will enter and walk a ways with you. During that time, they may share card tricks, stepchildren, your bout with breast cancer, your bed or just an endlessly engaging conversation. The meaning is in that walk together and the bond between you.
重點是，生命歷程在我們面前持續展開。如果妳走向一條小徑，到有趣且不能預期的地方，會有新的旅伴陪行。在這段時間裡，可能一起玩牌、照顧繼子女，乳癌發作或是無止境的情話綿綿。它的意義在於攜手同行和緊密關係。
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