你會再婚嗎?
上床前，這對已婚20年的夫婦有段這樣的對話..
她: Honey, 如果我比你先死，你會再婚嗎?
他: 有病啊? 問這傻問題!
她: 不，我就是想知道嘛!
他: (想了一下) 是的，我想經過一些失魂落魄的時間後，我可能會再婚。
她: 她會住在我們的房子嗎?
他: 嗯，房貸剛付完.. 你真的希望我搬走嗎?
她: 她會穿我的皮草嗎?
他: 你知道這我花了10萬台幣.. 你真的希望我賠本賣了嗎?
她: 那她會開我的BMW嗎?
他: 不，當然不會! 她根本不會開手排車。
Would you remarry?
A couple who have been married for 20 years is preparing for bed when the following conversation takes place...
She: "Honey, if I die before you, would you remarry?"
He: "That's a morbid question!"
She: "No, I really want to know."
He (pauses to think): "Yes, I suppose after a decent amount of time I might remarry."
She: "Would she live in our house?"
He: "Well, the mortgage is almost paid off - would you really expect me to move?"
She: "Would she wear my mink coat?"
He: "You know I paid $3,500 for that coat - would you really want me to sell it for a loss?"
She: "Well, would she drive my BMW?"
He: "No. Absolutely not. She doesn't know how to drive a stick shift!"
翻譯
黑手黨想找個收費員，主要是每週向一些私有企業收取保護費。他們擔心做得太過火會招來警方的干預，於是決定找個聾啞者來做這工作.. 萬一他被扣起來，他也沒法和警方交代做過什麼事.
第一週時，他收到$40,000。但他起了貪婪之心，決定把它據為己有，並藏到安全的地方。黑手黨很快了查覺到保護費晚到了，就派出囉嘍追捕這個聾啞收費者。
囉嘍找到他，問他錢在哪兒? 他沒法和他們溝通，只好拽著他去找個手語翻譯者..
囉嘍說: 問他錢呢? 翻譯者以手語問: 錢呢?
聾啞者答: 我不知道你在說些什麼。
翻譯者告訴囉嘍: 他說他不知道你在說什麼。
囉嘍掏出.38指著聾啞者的太陽穴: 現在再問一次.. 錢呢?
翻譯者用手語問: 錢呢?
聾啞者答: 在中央公園的樹洞裡..
翻譯者眼睛一亮，對囉嘍說: 他說- 他還是不知道你在說什麼，並說- 他不相信你有LP去扣板機..
Interpreter.
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job; if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about"
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where the money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in
The interpreter's eyes light up and says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
離婚
法官不可思議的打量眼前的夫婦。 “你97歲，你太太95歲，而你們結婚快50年了。為什麼要在這時候離婚?
這女人把我搞瘋夠久了，法官大人，我當初是不得已才會和她結婚的，現在我不想再忍耐下去了。”
“那你為何要等這麼久?:
”嗯，我們知道離婚對孩子們的傷害有多大.. 所以就等他們都死後再說..”
Want a divorce
The judge looked amazedly at the couple in front of him. "You're 97," he gasped, "Your wife is 95, and you've been married for almost 75 years. Why, at this stage of your lives, have you decided that you want a divorce?"
"That woman has driven me crazy long enough, your honor. I only married her in the first place because I had to, and I can't stand it another day."
"Then why have you waited this long?"
"Well, we knew how a divorce would hurt our kids, so we waited until they died."
醫生的聚會
一群精神科醫生去參加一項學術會議。其中四位決定中途開溜，他們一起走了出去。一位對其他三人說: 人們總是把罪惡感與恐懼感丟給我們，但我們卻沒有人可傾倒心理的垃圾。其他三位也說有同感。
於是有人提議: 既然我們都是專家，何不趁此機會聽聽彼此的心聲? 其他三位同意這個提議。
第一個告白說: 我有種無法控制的慾望想殺了我的病人。
第二個說: 我喜歡奢侈品，所以我就盡可能的騙走病人的錢，以便購買我要的東東。
第三個接著說: 我被捲入賣K，並經常叫我的病人幫我去賣。
第四個.. 有點支支吾吾說: 我知道我不該這麼做，但不管我如何努力，我就是無法保密…
Doctors meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
冒名
兩個推銷員在旅行到鄉下時，車子掛了.. 方圓幾哩內就只有一處豪宅。他們前去敲門求助，來應門的是一個美麗的寡婦。因為這時天色已黑，修車廠要等到早上才會開張，她便留他倆在客房過夜.. 睡覺中…
天亮後，他們召來一輛拖車，就走人了。
三個月後，1號推銷員收到一封信，他簡直無法相信其內容。他問2號推銷員: 我們在寡婦的豪宅過夜時，你是不是在半夜裡溜進她的房間?
是啊.. 為什麼這麼問?
而你還冒用我的名字?
是的.. 你怎麼知道?
嗯，她死了.. 並留給我5百萬美元的不動產。
Use Other’s Name
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms. ZZZZZZZ
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
