第一先生的..
英國，日本和法國的第一夫人和希拉蕊會見。八卦的主題是他們的老公的那話兒。
英國的說: 它就像是位紳士.. 一看到女人，它就站起來..
日本的說: 它就像是位軍官.. 你不知道它會從何處開始採取行動..
法國的說: 它就像視廳室的銀幕.. 放完後，就倒下...
輪到希拉蕊了.. 她說: 它就像是謠言... 從這張嘴移到另一張嘴 ..

企業管理
4 位來自英國，法國，中國和美國公司的老總在會議中被綁了。恐怖分子把他們帶到祕密基地…
恐怖分子的頭目大喊著: 你們，你們的公司和你們的國家是革命的敵人，你們即將要被處決﹗你們有最後的請求嗎？
英國人說: 我死可以，但我要唱首 (上帝保佑女王)，以示對我國家的尊敬和抗議你們這種野蠻行為..
恐怖分子說: 可以!。
法國人說: 在我死前，我想要為你們唱首 (馬賽進行曲)，以示對我國家的尊敬。
中國人說: 在我死前，我希望能發表 (具有中國特色的企業管理) 的演講，以示對我國家的尊敬。
恐怖分子問到美國人.. 你的最後請求是什麼？
美國人回答: 我想要你現在就殺了我… 這樣我就不用再聽一次 (具有中國特色的企業管理) 的演講。

跳船
新泰坦尼克聚集著來自世界各地的人。令人遺憾的是遊輸再次撞上冰山，船長催促乘客棄船保命。
他說: 如果你們跳下，將被視為英雄.. 結果美國人爭先恐後地跳了下去..
他接著說: 如果你們跳下，人們會把你們當作真正紳士.. 剛一出口，英國人也都跳下去..
然後他又說: 跳下去，這是規定.. 這次跳下去的是一群德國人..
他轉頭對義大利人說: 如果跳下去將會成為女人的夢中情人;
就這樣，他們都跳下去了.. 但法國人和日本人仍無動于衷..
船長只好說: 不跳就別跳吧.. 於是法國人也跳下去…
最後，甲板上仍殘留著日本人.. 船長只好低聲下氣得說: 拜訪了，老兄! 大家都跳下去了…
結果，所有的日本人也跟著跳下去..
(PS. 這是從一張漫畫裡看到的.. 原來的英文很簡短，這版本重編的…)

中國功夫  
國王甄選新教頭，告示發行一年後，才有三人前來應徵，他們分別是來自: 日本, 韓國與中國。國王先請日本人演示，日本人打開小盒子，一隻小蒼蠅跟著飛出嗡嗡做響。他揮劍一劈，蒼蠅立馬落地成2 片。國王大叫: 非常好! 接著國王要韓國人證明他的本事。韓國人也打開一個小盒，同樣的，一隻小蒼蠅跟著飛出嗡嗡做響。他揮劍舞了兩下，掉在地上的蒼蠅分成4 片。國王大叫︰簡直太好了。最後，國王要看看中國功夫人; 中國人也打開一個小盒，這時飛出一隻公果蠅.. 所有蒼蠅中最小的種類。只見他的劍在空中狂舞一陣，收劍後，果蠅仍在空中飛來飛去。國王顯然很失望地說: 砍了那麼久，為什麼還是殺不死那隻蒼蠅？
中國人笑答: 嗯，包皮手術是不會要人命的.. 。
(PS. 這個笑話的版本有很多個.. 這版本重編的… )

Ladies’ Gentlemen
The first ladies of UK, Japan and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective spouse.
The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the room"
The lady from Japan says, "It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back.."
The French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down..."
Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumor... it moves from one mouth to another..."

Business Management.
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Chinese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"
The Englishman spoke first. "Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."
The Chinese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Chinese style of business management."
The terrorist turned finally to the American.
"What is YOUR last request?"
The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Chinese style of business management!"

Jump from the liner
People from all over the world are gathering in the New Titanic. Unfortunately, the cruise is hitting some iceberg again. The captain urges the passengers to abandon ship. He tells Americans they will be heroes if they jump; and he tells Britain people will treat them as the real ladies and gentlemen. Then he tells Germans that is the rule to jump. For Italians, he tells them there will be lots of woman love them. And they do all jump… however, French and Japanese are tough to deal with… Eventually, he tells French do not jump, but French do jump. Then, Japanese are still standing on the duck. “Come on, man”, says the captain, “everyone is jumping.” So, Japanese jump as well.

Three Martial Masters
The king needed a new head of Palace-Guard so he sent out a declaration throughout the world to search for one.
A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese, a Korean and a Chinese. The king asked the Japanese to come in and demonstrate his skill.
The Japanese opened a small box and out popped a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The king exclaimed: "That is very impressive!"
The king then asked the Korean to come in and demonstrate. The Korean also opened a small box and out popped a fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword. The fly dropped dead on the ground in 4 pieces. The king exclaimed: "That is really very impressive!"
The king then had the Chinese demonstrate his kung-fu. The Chinese also opened a small box and out popped a male fruit fly, the smallest fly of all. His flashing sword went whoossshhh …. . A gust of wind filled the room, but the fly was still alive and buzzing around.  The king, obviously disappointed, asked: "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?"  The Chinese smiled, "Well, circumcision is not intended to kill."

Questionnaire
A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.
A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"
The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?"
The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
Finally, the New Yorker replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"

問卷調查
沙拉人，俄國人，北韓人和紐約人走在地下道。一個做民意調查的人請他們留步，問道: 對不起，你對肉品短缺有何意見?
沙拉人回答: 對不起，什麼是 (短缺) ?
俄國人回答: 對不起，什麼是 (肉品) ?
北韓人回答: 對不起，什麼是 (意見) ?
最後，紐約人問: 什麼是 (對不起) ?