What would you do?
你會怎麼做？

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?
你在一架發生故障的飛機上，機上有兩個人，但只有一個降落傘，你會做何反應？ 

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
悲觀的︰拒絕使用這個降落傘，因為跳下去也可能摔死。 

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.
樂觀的︰拒絕這個降落傘，因為以前也有人在墜機時，倖存下來。 

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
慢性子的︰得為這個降落傘打一場專利使用的官司。 

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
官僚︰命令他們進行一項可行性研究…在紅色代碼狀況下，如何在引擎飛機上使用降落傘。 

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
律師︰向降落傘收費以幫助他們控告航空公司。 

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
醫生︰告訴他們: 需要做更多的試驗，然後拿走降落傘以用於下次碰面。 

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
銷售主管︰在最高價時，將降落傘售出，並索取其可能也喜歡此物的親友名冊。 

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
國稅局的︰除降落傘外，把他們的行李、錢包和金飾品也一起沒收。 

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
廣告商︰邊唱邊跳脫衣舞，告訴他們需要一個帶電腦高度儀的霓虹降落傘，售價僅需$39.99。 

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
工程師︰用通道的布帘和牙線為他們製造另一個降落傘。 

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.
科學家︰把這個降落傘給他，並且要他寄回一份關於它多好用的報告。 

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
數學家︰拒絕接受這個降落傘，因為無法證明它在任何地方都通用。 

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
哲學家︰問他們怎麼知道，這個降落傘確實存在著?  

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
英文系學生︰闡述降落傘說明書裡的明喻和隱喻。 

Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.
唸比較文學的︰把降落傘說明書上的國台中日4 種文字標示，全部讀一遍。 

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
學電腦的︰設計一台可以和人一樣好用的機器，來操作降落傘。 

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
唸經濟的︰每隔一段時間就問他們，會付多少錢買一個降落傘，然後繪製一條需求曲線。 

Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.
唸心理學的︰問他們，降落傘的形狀使他們想起什麼?  

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
唸戲劇學的︰拖住他們，以便他們能看你發展出 一個在下墜的飛機上沒有降落傘的 人物性格。 

Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
搞藝術的︰把降落傘掛在牆上，並簽上字。 

Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.
國民黨的︰自己用降落傘跳下，並告訴他們努力工作但別指望回報。 

Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut the parachute into two equal pieces.
民進黨的︰向他們要一億元買把剪刀，這樣就可把降落傘剪成相等的兩片。 

Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
無黨無派的︰提醒他們有擁有降落傘的基本權利，然後拿走它… 並跳下飛機。 

National Rifle Association: you shoot them and take the parachute.
有黑槍的︰朝他們開槍，並拿走降落傘。 

Police Bigot: you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
條子︰用這個降落傘把他們打成豬頭。 

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.
搞環保的︰拒絕使用這個降落傘，除非它是使用生物可以分解的材料。 

Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
旁觀者︰以理性和道德的抉擇拿走降落傘，因為自然會有人照顧其它人。 

Branch Davidian (David Koresh): you get inside the parachute and refuse to come out.
住寶萊的: 躲進降落傘裡面，拒絕出來。 

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
買彩券的︰開始下注.. 多久會墜機?  

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.
修車的︰看好飛機引擎，它自己會變好。 

Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.
教書的︰別担心，學習修理飛機不會花你很多時間…

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.
衛生署的︰發布 特技跳傘可能危及你的健康 的警告。 

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no link whatsoever between airplane crashes and death.
賣K的︰ 很有耐心解釋儘管許多驚人的巧合，研究顯示 飛機墜毀和死亡 並無連帶關係。 

http://www.quotesandjokes.com/jokes/cleanjokes.html

(PS. 翻完以後，才覺得實在有夠無聊的.. )