After having the bi-weekly debate with myself about, “Is wearing this summer top without a bra too revealing for the office?” I bought one of those ridiculous silicone backless bras from Target.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I bought into the illustrated cleavage on the box, which looked like it was supported by the bra in a very flattering manner, and I somehow figured this bra would be perfect for the long, flowy, low-backed summer top I was wearing today.

The “bra” consisted of two silicone “stickers” to be placed on your parts and hooked together via a plastic clasp. I applied one of the stickers and immediately remembered that it takes me 37 tries just to put on a Breathe Right strip correctly.

During my 8th attempt, Jason wandered by. “Is it supposed to be lumpy like that?”

“Could you NOT be observing this?” I hissed, as I frantically tried to smooth out the sticker’s bubbles. “Some things are better left to the imagination.”

“Wait,” he gasped, “why is everything so squished? I thought you got this so you’d look bigger.”

“GET OUT.”

This bra obviously outsmarted me. After three more failed attempts, I finally scrapped the whole thing and wore my top without any support from sticky silicone or curious husbands.

And I spent $7.99 to do it.