中國猶太人
S和A在一家中國餐廳裡。S問A: 在中國有猶太人嗎？A回答: 我不知道，我們問問服務生。
服務生走過來時，A問他: 有中國Jews嗎？
服務生回答: 我不知道, 先生，我去問看看.. 他去了趟廚房，幾分鐘後回來說: 沒有.. 中國Jews..
A再問: 你確定嗎？
服務生回答: 那我再去查查看，先生.. 他走回廚房時，S說: 我不相信在中國沒有猶太人，我們的人散佈全球呢.
服務生回來並說: 先生，沒有中國Jews..
A又再次問道: 你真的確定嗎？我不相信沒有中國Jews
服務生很不高興的回答:　先生，我問過每個人了.. 我們有橙汁，酸梅汁，番茄汁和葡萄汁，但我們就是沒有中國Jews (juice)。

猶太人與銀行員
一個猶太人走進紐約銀行找放款員。他說他將因公到歐洲出差兩周，並想要借5000元。銀行員說: 需要抵押物作擔保。猶太人說他在銀行前面停著輛新的勞斯萊斯，並把鑰匙交給他。銀行同意以汽車作為抵押，隨後行員將它開進銀行的地下室停著。
兩周後，猶太人回來還了5000 元和15.41元的利息。放款員說: 我們非常高興和你做生意，這筆進行得很好。但我們有些迷惑，你離開後，我們查了你的財務狀況，我們發現你是個百萬富翁…很多個百萬。但你為什麼還要借5000元？
猶太人答: 紐約還有什麼地方只需花15元，就可停兩個星期的車？

猶太人的遺願
法國人，義大利人和猶太人三人成了戰俘，並且正要被處決。警衛問他們: 最後的一餐想吃什麼? 法國人要了盤可口的嫩里基肉，吃完後，就被解決了。義大利人要了盤義大利面.. 很大的一盤.. 吃完後，也被解決了。猶太人說要一盤草莓。
警衛告訴他: 草莓季節還沒到。
他說: 沒關系.. 我可以等。

支援以色列 
有個人拿了兩個大袋到達機場。海關官員打開第一個袋子，發現裡面裝滿了錢。他問這位旅客: 你是怎樣得到這些錢的？

那人說: 你大概不會相信… 我遊遍歐洲的每個公共廁所，每當我看見有人在小便時，我就抓住他的小鳥，說: 捐錢給以色列，否則我就割下你的蛋蛋。
海關官員聽了差點沒昏倒，嘟嚷著: 很有趣的故事... 另一個袋子裡又有什麼？
那人說: 你大概不會相信… 在歐洲有多少人不願意支援以色列...

猶太奶奶 
一位猶太奶奶和孫子來到海灘。他下水玩，她則站在岸上 –因為不想要弄濕她的腳- 突然間，一個大浪不知從哪來，直接落到那男孩站的地方。潮水退去，男孩也跟著被捲走。
奶奶伸手向上天哭喊: 主啊! 我的上帝，你怎麼可以這樣？我不是一位非常好的祖母嗎？我不是一位非常好的母親嗎？我沒把家裡保持乾淨嗎？我沒給慈善機構捐款嗎？我沒在每星期五晚上點燃蠟燭嗎？不! 我沒認真過活讓你引以為榮嗎?
一個巨大的聲音從天而降: 你說夠了!　
一會兒後，不知從哪兒來的另一個大浪沖向沙灘，海水退去後，男孩正站在那裡微笑著，好像什麼事也沒發生過。
巨大的聲音再次響起: 我已經送回你的孫子，這下你滿意了吧？
她回答: 他還有一頂帽子呢。

給我一分錢
有個人走到山頂和上帝說話。
那人問: 上帝啊，對你來說100萬年是什麼？
上帝回答: 一分鐘而已。
那人再問: 那100萬美元對你來說又算什麼？
上帝回答: 一分錢而已。
那人接著問: 可以給我一分錢嗎？
上帝回答: 當然可以啊.. 等我一分鐘…

Finding a Chinese Jew
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

Jew and Bank
A Jew walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need security for the loan, so the Jew hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan and an employee drives it into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Jew returns and repays the $5,000 plus the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you're a millionaire many times over. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Jew replies, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

Jew’s Willing
A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Jew are captured in the war and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. The Frenchman asks for a plate of filet mignon, eats it, and is taken away for execution. The Italian asks for a big plate of spaghetti, eats it, and is taken away for execution. The Jew asks for a plate of strawberries. The guards tell him strawberries are out of season.
"So I'll wait, already."

Support Israel 
A man arrives at Ben-Gurion Airport with two large bags.
The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money so he asks the passenger, "How did you get this money?"
The man says, "You will not believe it, but I traveled all over Europe, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pee, I grabbed his organ and said, "donate money to Israel or I will cut-off your testicles."
The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "well...it's a very interesting story... what do you have in the other bag?"
The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do not support Israel"...

A Jewish grandmother 
A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He's playing in the water, she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there...he was swept away.

The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: "Lord, my God, how could you?
Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother?
Haven't I been a wonderful mother?
Haven't I kept a kosher home?
Haven't I given to charity?
Haven't I lit candles every Friday night?
Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?

A voice booms from the sky, "All right already!"

A moment later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there. He is smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.
The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
She responds, "He had a hat."

Can I have a penny? 
A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to G-d.
The man asked, "G-d, what's a million years to you?"
And G-d said, "A minute."
Then the man asked, "Well, what's a million dollars to you?"
And G-d said, "A penny."
Then the man asked, "G-d ... can I have a penny?"
And G-d said, "Sure ... In a minute."