19、“Parallel Universes”
1
Do you believe that “parallel universes” really exist? After reading my story, you will either no longer be half-convinced and half-doubtful, or you will think that I have been possessed by a ghost—or that I have completely lost my mind.
For half an afternoon, I pushed a lawn mower around the school grounds, tending the lawn and trimming the flowers, plants, and branches in the flowerbeds. Although I was a “weathered old guy” nearing fifty and my body was exhausted, seeing the results of my work filled me with satisfaction. Several male teachers at the school were young and physically fit, yet they kept their distance from this kind of manual labor. “Afraid of hardship, afraid of difficulty, seeking comfort and avoiding work” had long been my impression of them.
Soaked in sweat, I returned home to my apartment, took a cold shower, and stood in front of the bathroom mirror to shave. Suddenly, the “me” in the mirror actually started acting against me. First, he made a face at me. Before I could recover from my surprise, he reached through the mirror and snatched my razor.
“Hey, old man, hold on. I want to talk something over with you.”
“Why are you messing with me? Give me back my razor!” His sudden movement startled me badly, and anger immediately surged through me.
“All right, all right! But you have to help me first.” He held the razor out to me.
“How am I supposed to help you? You live in a world inside the mirror.”
“I want to exchange identities with you and experience a different kind of life.”
“That’s impossible. You have no teaching experience.”
“I can do it. Teaching elementary school students must be a lot of fun.” He sounded completely confident.
“So what do you do now?”
“I’m a practicing attorney. But business has been slow these past few years. At most, I take on two or three cases a week.”
“You make it sound easy. I don’t know how to write all those legal documents.”
“You can do it. You’ve written complaints and other legal documents for friends and relatives before.”
I asked in surprise, “How do you know about all that?”
“Don’t forget, you are me, and I am you. I know everything about you. We simply made different choices when a divergence point appeared during the year we graduated from college.”
“A divergence point during the year we graduated from college? You’d better explain yourself!” His words immediately reminded me of something from the past.
“Do you remember that day when you negotiated your breakup with your junior schoolmate Yijun at the dormitory on the back side of Yangmingshan?”
Sure enough, he had brought up the very thing I had always regretted deep down.
“At the time, you were too stubborn and refused to agree to Yijun’s three conditions. Yijun left with an umbrella, and you immediately changed your mind and chased after her. Then you were struck by lightning and briefly lost consciousness.”
“I remember! When I woke up, I was already lying in a hospital bed.”
“Yijun turned back to look for you and found you lying beside the road. She stopped a passing taxi and took you to the hospital. The exact moment you were knocked unconscious by the lightning strike was the divergence point between you and me.”
The more I listened, the more confused I became. Curiously, I asked him, “What kind of divergence point?”
“At that moment, a parallel universe appeared. Yijun came back and saw me lying on the ground. She helped me up, only to discover that another you was lying nearby. So she slapped me to wake me up first, but she couldn’t wake you for the moment. Therefore, Yijun asked me to accompany her in taking you to the hospital.”
“You mean that after I was struck by lightning, there were two of me?” I seemed to understand, yet the whole thing felt both fantastical and bizarre.
“Yes! Yijun had exactly the same reaction at the time. Her first instinct was that it was unbelievable. I agreed to the three conditions she had proposed, and three years later I passed the bar exam and started a family with her.”
“No wonder! After that, Yijun never returned my calls or paid any attention to me.” I suddenly understood. So this was the truth behind everything.
He continued slowly, “But after I became a practicing attorney, my life didn’t really change. On weekdays, I was either at the law firm or running back and forth to court. The legal documents I had to prepare every day drained my mental and physical energy. I gave up literary writing. Although I made several fortunes, life became increasingly dull. Other than occasional trips abroad to refresh myself, I was basically nothing more than a work machine.”
“Doesn’t Yijun treat you well?”
“Yijun has always treated me very well! She’s a responsible working woman who manages to balance her family and career.”
“You have a successful career and a beautiful wife. You’re one of life’s winners! What do you have to complain about?”
“Come on, old man! I’d rather be you—the single man you are now. You live comfortably, you don’t have to worry about retirement, and after work every day you can immerse yourself in the world of literature.”
“You’re always dissatisfied with whatever you’re doing. The truth is that during these past thirty years, even though I’ve written dozens of novels and screenplays, I’ve never been able to fulfill my dream of making movies.”
“I know your situation, old man. If you’re willing to exchange identities with me, I’ll find a way to make your dream come true. I know how to find investors and get your screenplay into production.”
“Really? You can help me?” A glimmer of hope rose inside me.
His expression became completely serious. “You become me, and I become you. We each get to experience a different way of life.”
“But I’m completely unprepared. Can you give me a few days to think about it?” I pondered the matter carefully. I shouldn’t make such an important decision in haste.
“All right. On Friday the thirteenth of this month, at the same time in the evening, I’ll be waiting for you.”
After saying that, he waved to me. The mirror returned to normal. I finished shaving, went back to my study, sat down at my desk, opened my calendar, and drew a red star on the thirteenth.
The thirteenth arrived quickly, and I still hadn’t made a decision. After finishing some classroom lighting repairs at school that day, I walked into the bathroom. I had just turned on the faucet and begun washing my face when the “me” in the mirror appeared again and said impatiently, “Old man, are you ready?”
A little uneasily, I asked, “If I change my mind, can we exchange back whenever I want?”
He let out a long sigh and said, “Before you want to switch back, you have to give me at least a few days to wrap up the things around me. That way, I won’t cause you any trouble.”
I said, “That’s a reasonable request. All right, then how do we exchange identities?”
“Just follow my movements. It’s very simple.” As he spoke, he raised both hands and pressed his palms against the surface of the mirror. I followed his movements, raised both hands, and pressed my palms against his.
In an instant, I felt an electric current surge through my palms and into my body. My body seemed to form a complete electrical circuit. Then I suddenly realized that I had exchanged bodies with him.
I looked around the bathroom and exclaimed, “Wow! Your bathroom is more spacious than my bedroom, and it’s luxurious as hell.”
He smiled and said, “I’ve already organized all the documents for tomorrow morning’s hearing at the District Prosecutors Office. They’re on the desk in my study. After the hearing, go to my law firm and start work. My assistant will deliver the files for the upcoming litigation cases to your small office in chronological order.”
I thought to myself, “Holy crap! We just exchanged bodies, and you’re already putting me to work.”
He seemed to hear my complaint and comforted me. “Don’t worry! If you have any legal questions, just send me a message through your mind. I’ll receive the signal immediately and tell you how to answer. Likewise, if I run into any difficult problems on my end, I’ll immediately message you and ask for your advice.”
Just as I was still half-believing and half-doubting the whole thing, I clearly heard his inner voice: “So this is what a bachelor’s life is like. What a mess! The whole bathroom looks like a recycling center...”
Then he added, “Last week, Yijun went to Japan with her best friend. She left a message on Line saying they’ll be taking the Japan Asia Airways evening flight back. Take my motor home to pick them up. Remember to be at the arrival hall of Taoyuan International Airport at seven tomorrow evening to meet her and her friend. Park the motor home in the underground garage of the law-firm building.”
Before I could recover, he breathed onto the mirror, waved his hand across it twice, and the image of him disappeared, leaving only my own reflection standing there stiffly like a piece of wood.
I spent about ten minutes taking a “brief and concise” tour of the living room and every room in my new home.
The villa of a wealthy man was indeed on a different level. The elegant, understated décor was paired with simple yet tasteful solid-wood furniture. The living room and study had excellent natural light and ventilation. The master bedroom contained two single beds, which immediately made me suspicious: “Could it be that this couple only looks like they’re getting along on the surface, while they’ve actually been living in conflict for a long time...?”
As I stared at the family portrait on the dressing table, I remembered that during my tour of the house, I had noticed two rooms whose interiors appeared to be children’s bedrooms. Bedsheets covered the beds, and the rooms seemed to have been unused for quite some time.
2
In the corridor outside the investigation courtroom at the District Prosecutors Office, I met my client, the plaintiff, Mr. Chen. We sat together on a long bench and conducted a pre-hearing rehearsal of the case. “You’ve got to look the part,” I reminded Mr. Chen of several key points he needed to address. He listened attentively, then pulled out a palm-sized notebook and wrote down each of the points.
At 9:10 a.m., I accompanied Mr. Chen into the investigation courtroom and took the seat behind him. After the prosecutor verified both parties’ identities, addresses, and other basic information, she began questioning the plaintiff, Mr. Chen.
“Plaintiff, in your complaint, you allege that the defendant, Ms. Yang, communicated with you simultaneously through two Facebook accounts. One account pretended to be your student, while the other guided you into placing stock trades. You reasonably suspect that the defendant is merely one member of a well-organized fraud ring with a carefully divided set of responsibilities, and that Ms. Yang’s role was to make contact with you on behalf of the group...”
At that very moment, a clear voice sounded inside my head:
“Old man, we’ve got a serious problem. Your little boss, General Affairs Director Luo Jiaojiao, told me to repair the damaged floor tiles in two corridors before Monday. What am I supposed to do? This kind of heavy physical work is really beyond me...”
I secretly laughed to myself with satisfaction.
“If you don’t have the guts for it, don’t take on the job. Now you know that the skills I have as the school’s general affairs team leader were also learned through years of hard work.”
“Counsel for the plaintiff, based on your client’s statement just now, do you have anything to add?”
“Go find Old Brother Zhong, the veteran school maintenance worker, and buy him an iced coffee. He’ll show you how to do it. During my first year as general affairs team leader, he spent the first three months teaching me how to repair school facilities. Everything I know, I learned from him.”
“You mean Old Brother Zhong? The director said he took bereavement leave and went back to his hometown in Pingtung for three weeks. How could I possibly have your skills? Looks like I’m going to be in deep trouble this time...”
“Counsel for the plaintiff, what exactly are you talking about?” The prosecutor raised her voice. “Please answer the question I just asked.”
Seeing that the prosecutor was becoming displeased, I suddenly snapped back to reality.
“Oh! I’m sorry. My mind wandered for a moment. Could you please repeat the question?”
“I asked you, based on your plaintiff’s statement just now, whether you have anything to add.”
I loosened my tie slightly, rotated my neck a few times, and calmly said, “The key point I would like to add on behalf of the plaintiff is that the defendant, Ms. Yang, actually posted a public statement on Chang ╳-Chen’s Facebook account, pretending to be Ms. Yang’s boyfriend. She distorted the facts by claiming that the plaintiff had privately arranged to meet Ms. Yang and, while she was in the restroom, had stolen her First Bank ╳╳ Branch ATM card from her handbag. She further claimed that he subsequently withdrew a total of NT$680,000 from the account in several transactions and threatened to report the plaintiff for theft. This publicly damaged the plaintiff’s reputation. However, during the previous investigation hearing, the defendant admitted that she had been playing three different roles herself, and that both Chang ╳-Chen and Chu ╳-Te were alternate identities operated by the defendant, Ms. Yang. Unless the defendant has a documented history of dissociative identity disorder, it would be impossible for her to give such contradictory statements. Therefore, this court can reasonably infer that Ms. Yang actually has a criminal group operating behind her, dividing up responsibilities for online fraud. The person playing the role of Chang ╳-Chen, who was supposedly Ms. Yang’s accomplice, saw his girlfriend—Ms. Yang, the defendant—being accused of fraud by the plaintiff on Facebook. Because his girlfriend felt humiliated and lost her temper, he turned around and accused the plaintiff of stealing her ATM card and withdrawing money from her account, essentially having the guilty party accuse the innocent first and then threatening the plaintiff with a theft charge. This is sufficient to establish that Ms. Yang and Chang ╳-Chen are clearly two separate people and that they are in a romantic relationship.”
The prosecutor immediately asked, “You must present compelling evidence to support your claim that Ms. Yang and Chang ╳-Chen are two separate individuals.”
“Help me, old man! What tools do I need to repair the floor tiles? I’m in the tool room right now. Hurry up and tell me!”
The voice of my counterpart rang out again, interrupting my train of thought. I answered, “There’s a handheld electric angle grinder on the left side of the tool rack. Replace the grinding wheel with a cutting disc. Then you can use it to cut through the cement between the floor tiles and remove the damaged tiles one by one...”
“Counsel for the plaintiff, Attorney Luo, what are you doing again? The angle grinder you’re talking about has absolutely nothing to do with this case. Please respect the court’s questions.” The female prosecutor’s fair face gradually turned red. I instinctively realized that if I didn’t come up with an explanation quickly, I might anger her enough to have me thrown out of the courtroom.
“Prosecutor, I... I’m sorry! I may have been working too hard these past few days and suddenly developed auditory hallucinations. I couldn’t help muttering to myself. I’ll seek medical attention as soon as possible.”
At this point, the defense attorney unexpectedly chimed in with a teasing remark.
“I’ll tell you what, Attorney Luo. Based on my professional guess, your symptoms sound like you’ve been possessed—what people commonly call being haunted by a ghost. After the hearing, you’d better find a Taoist priest to perform a ritual to calm your spirit and then get plenty of rest!”
“Defense counsel, I did not give you permission to speak. Please show some respect!” The female prosecutor turned toward the defense attorney and issued a warning. The defense attorney immediately stopped grinning and straightened up.
I gradually figured out what was happening. Whenever I “switched” my thoughts to another channel to deal with or answer a question from the “me” in the other universe, the me in this universe would involuntarily enter into a conversation with him. To everyone else, it sounded as though I was either talking to myself or deliberately responding with something completely unrelated and making the person speaking to me look foolish. No wonder the female prosecutor had reacted so strongly the second time.
“Prosecutor, my client gave me a screenshot of a private-message conversation between Chang ╳-Chen and my client, Mr. Chen. Chang ╳-Chen rejected Mr. Chen’s doubts about his true identity and said, ‘I’m not the Yang ╳-Yi you’re talking about. I’m her boyfriend. If you don’t believe me, when we appear at the District Prosecutors Office, I’ll accompany my girlfriend, Yang ╳-Yi, and face you in person.’ I have the screenshot right here. I respectfully ask the prosecutor to examine it in court.”
After saying this, I immediately handed the screenshot to the court clerk, who then passed it to the female prosecutor.
After examining it, the prosecutor immediately questioned the defendant.
“Defendant, please come forward and confirm whether this screenshot is a private-message conversation between you and the plaintiff on Facebook.”
The defendant, Ms. Yang, stepped forward, took the screenshot, looked at it, and answered, “The content of this screenshot is a conversation between me and the plaintiff.”
The prosecutor immediately followed up.
“But the content of the conversation is written in the voice of your boyfriend, Chang ╳-Chen. How do you explain that?”
At that moment, Ms. Yang’s expression became slightly tense, and she turned to look at her defense attorney.
The female prosecutor asked again, “Defendant, answer the issue I have raised truthfully.”
Ms. Yang came back to herself and said, “The plaintiff was pressuring me very aggressively to repay a debt, so I deliberately used my boyfriend’s tone to frighten him. This screenshot really is a conversation between me and the plaintiff...”
“Holy crap. So being a lawyer really does fry your brain. This whole thing is practically a spy-versus-spy mystery. This defendant looks so young, yet her mind is incredibly calculating, and she’s so calm under pressure. Apparently, these days, running an online scam takes more than nerve—you need extraordinary acting skills, too...”
That was what I was thinking when my counterpart’s voice came through again.
“Old man, I don’t know how to take apart or use an angle grinder. You have to patiently teach me so I don’t screw up the repair work and end up getting my head chewed off by Director Luo Jiaojiao.”
This time, I had finally learned my lesson. I restrained myself and decided not to respond to the “me” in the other universe for the time being.
At last, I made it through the entire investigation hearing. The female prosecutor instructed my plaintiff client, Mr. Chen, to present new evidence at the next hearing.
In the corridor, I reminded Mr. Chen of a few things, then grabbed my briefcase and headed for the men’s restroom. Standing in front of the urinal, I unzipped my suit trousers and was just about to take out my private parts when the “me” from the other universe once again sent me a telepathic message.
“Old man, why didn’t you answer any of my questions just now?”
That “me” finally managed to make the me in this universe lose his temper. I shouted, “Brother! Give me a break! Did you forget that I was busy handling official business in the investigation courtroom just now?”
“Of course I know you were in court! But that case was just a small one. I’m sure someone as smart as you can handle it with ease. My situation is more urgent. I was standing there helplessly in the tool room just now, with no idea where to begin.”
“You think I can handle it with ease because I’m smart? Give me a break! You’re the one who makes a living doing this kind of work. I’m only filling in for you, making a temporary guest appearance. If you don’t know how to operate the angle grinder and replace the floor tiles, go online and look it up on YouTube. There are tutorial videos that show you every step of the job. Stop relying entirely on me. When you run into a problem, figure out how to solve it yourself...” The more I spoke, the angrier I became. Only then did I realize that several pairs of eyes in the entire men’s restroom were focused on my face. I lowered my head, quickly shoved a pair of wireless earbuds into my ears, pretended I was talking through them, and then held onto the water pipe while relieving myself.
3
I climbed into the motor home, turned on the GPS navigation, and entered my destination: “Law Firm.”
The air conditioning was blowing, but I still couldn’t calm my thoughts.
“The wise labor with their minds, while the foolish labor with their bodies.” The ancients certainly hadn’t been lying to me. That defendant, Ms. Yang, in the investigation courtroom was obviously full of lies and contradictions, yet she constantly put on the appearance of a helpless victim, acting pitifully to win sympathy. The human instinct to seek benefits and avoid harm really was enough to distort the truth.
A life of deception and mutual scheming might make a person a fortune every day, but it truly wasn’t suitable for someone like me, whose mind was simple and who spent all day with children...
Why had I lost my head last night and agreed to exchange bodies with the “me” from the other universe? Could it be that all I really wanted was to see Yijun again?
“Twenty years have become a dream; though this body remains, the memory is enough to make the heart tremble.” Twenty years ago, at the moment I was struck by lightning, since Yijun failed to wake me, our separate destinies were already destined to unfold. The hand of fate had given me a completely different universe and a completely different life. It wanted me to be a comedian on a school campus, entertaining children in the classroom while teaching them and answering their questions, living a simple and peaceful yet relatively free life as a teacher. After work, I could immerse myself in the world of literary creation and play the all-knowing, all-powerful “God” in my novels: the author.
When I entered the law firm and hid myself in the other “me’s” small office, I faced the piles of litigation files stacked on the desk. My chaotic thoughts completely melted and tangled together into a sticky mass of substance, shaped exactly like the “snot slime” that children love to play with. It left me utterly, utterly frustrated.
I patiently went through every file on the desk one by one. All the legal documents inside had been prepared by the junior attorneys. I read them sentence by sentence and paragraph by paragraph until I became dizzy and bleary-eyed. It felt as though my brain had turned into gelatin and my thoughts had completely solidified.
“Who would willingly choose this kind of mentally exhausting paperwork day after day? All this scheming and maneuvering—there’s absolutely no fun or quality of life! Good Lord!”
Just after five o’clock, a Line message from Yijun appeared on my phone:
“Husband, my flight arrives at Taoyuan International Airport at seven. It should take about thirty or forty minutes to get through customs with my luggage. Remember to wait for me at the exit of the arrivals hall. I brought you some medicine for your stomach, and I also bought you the Canon DSLR camera you like. Yesterday was your birthday, so this is a belated birthday present from your wife, Yijun.”
I immediately left the small office and told one of the assistants that I was going to Taoyuan Airport to pick up my wife.
I waited in the arrivals hall for half an hour. At 7:40, a group of passengers came out. One of them was a “man” with a men’s business haircut, wearing a man’s suit shirt and trousers with a suit vest over them and pushing a luggage cart. He waved at me.
I took a closer look, and a strange thought rose in my mind.
“My God! When did Yijun become so masculine? In that family portrait, she had long hair. How did she turn into such a tough-looking tomboy?”
The woman in a suit walking beside Yijun was obviously her best friend. Walking side by side, the two of them looked so much like a married couple returning from a trip that anyone who didn’t look closely could easily have mistaken them for spouses.
As soon as I put Yijun and her best friend’s luggage into the trunk, the two women sitting in the back seat began taking turns complaining about the damp and freezing snowy weather during their trip.
One said, “I never imagined the snow in Akita would fall so thickly and continuously. If I had to stay there another week, I’d probably turn into one of those legendary snow women with two long trails of snot hanging from my nose.”
The other replied, “Exactly! That ski resort—or whatever it was—was so crowded that it was no different from Raohe Night Market. The food in the restaurants was expensive and terrible. We really spent money just to make ourselves miserable!”
The two women seemed to be deliberately complaining where I could hear them. It wasn’t until the motor home left the airport access road and turned onto the National Freeway heading toward Taipei that Yijun noticed something different about the “me” behind the wheel through the rearview mirror.
“Honey, I’ve only been in Japan for ten days, and you already look like a homeless man. You haven’t shaved, your hair is as greasy and shiny as oily noodles, and there’s that smell of sweat coming off you. How many days has it been since you showered or changed your clothes...?”
Yijun went into full attack mode and launched into a long string of complaints.
Holding the steering wheel, I suddenly felt as though I had awakened from a nightmare. I thought to myself, “So the environment we live in really is the most honest sculptor. The Yijun I’ve carried in my heart for twenty years has already become a tough and powerful career woman. I should thank the god of fate for giving me a single, carefree life back then...”
When we returned home, Yijun wasted no time pushing me into the bathroom and ordering me to “straighten myself up” and return to the appearance of a proper “gentleman.”
Standing in front of the mirror, I reached out and knocked on its surface. The other “me” immediately appeared.
I complained in a rapid-fire stream, “Brother, I don’t want to play this game anymore. To be honest, I can’t keep playing it! Your lawyer’s world means racking your brain all day, then coming home and following your wife’s every command. You’re practically no different from a house dog wearing a collar. This wealthy man’s lifestyle may look beautiful on the outside, but it’s all surface. There’s no way I can adapt to it.”
The “me” in the mirror also complained, “Old man, my life is a thousand times more miserable than yours, okay? This weekend I have to go to school and work overtime, replacing floor tiles. I can’t imagine or understand how you can keep putting yourself through this kind of life, getting drenched in sweat and covered in dust every few days. How can you still put up with a life that wears you out both mentally and physically?”
After complaining to each other, we quickly reached a mutual understanding:
“Let’s go back to being ourselves.”
But then the other “me” suddenly remembered something. “We have to wait until the next Black Swan Day—the thirteenth, Friday. That night, when Earth’s magnetic field rotates 180 degrees and the temporal wormhole opens, we’ll be able to switch back.”
After hearing that, I rushed out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom, grabbed my phone, and checked the calendar. I quickly found the next Black Swan Day.
“My Black Swan! I still have to wait six whole months. If I can survive these six months without going completely crazy, the first thing I’m going to do is take that terrifying mirror down from the bathroom...”
