I never knew that I am a sadist when it comes to love.

Love the movies that never seem to have a good ending -- Leaving Las Vegas. The English Patients. Cold Mountains. The Reader. Nothing can be perfect. Nothing is forever. It seems to me that a flaw in a relationship is something that keeps you alive because you can feel pain. The pain that tickles you to want more from life.

Then there is this first love, who never seems to go away but did leave you for something else. I do not remember anything but how he smelled. I was struck to find out that it was Head & Shoulders after having wondered all the years. It still smells like sadness and lost even though he does not mean a thing anymore.

This is a song for all the love sadists...You Are Always On My Mind.

   Maybe I didn't love you

   quite as often as I could have.

   Maybe I didn't treat you

   quite as good as I could have.

   If I made you feel second best,

   I'm sorry I was blind.

   But you are always on my mind.

   You are always on my mind.

   Tell me, Darling, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died.

   Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.

   You are always on my mind.

http://www.americanidol.com/videos/season_8/performances/anoop_desai_you_are_always_on_my_mind