高科技反管理大師、職場逃生老手（鼠）、德州大哥最新詼諧文學力作。來函照登，新鮮熱辣，一字未刪。
【警告】文中所述，未必盡屬虛構。如無專家指導，切莫擅自模仿，否則後果自負，與北橋客無關。

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1. Don't accept the status quo.
2. Question everything and everybody.
3. Stand up for what you believe to be right.
4. Do not suffer fools.
5. Try as hard as you can.
6. Don't give up until you've won.
7. When you work—get a result. Don't waste your time.
8. Work as a team. Get help as soon as and whenever you can.
9. Be proud of your results.
10. Give credit; don't plagiarize.
11. Teach—pass on knowledge.
12. Don't intentionally miscommunicate, not communicate, or lie.
13. Take direction enthusiastically once a decision is reached.

Above are the 13 operational principles of the company I
work for, yeah, the company D from 'Gingerbread Man.' And it was that time of the year again when I was asked by my boss to add a section to my annual (not anal) review to describe how well (or ill) I had adhered myself to these principles. Since my bonus money is on the line, I decided to give it my best shot to incorporate as many principles as I could possibly come up with and this is how it went:

I took my experimental data with extra cares by using the longest available integration time and maximum number of possible sampling rate, even if that implies a 10X delay in delivering my work. But an attitude like that should guarantee me an entrance to the company's gate to haven as it clearly shows everybody that I am a true believer of Principle #5 - Try as hard as you can. However, some of my colleagues didn't appreciate it when their project got delayed because of this; actually what they didn't like was the way I forced it down their throats: I told them their work are worthless all-time FUBARs, but by doing so I was sticking to principle #12- Don't intentionally miscommunicate, not communicate, or lie. And so what my message wasn't getting through? I found remedy in #6 - Don't give up until you've won, fueled by #9 - Be proud of your results, I utilized #8 -Work as a team. Get help as soon as and whenever you can. I brought in the big gun by taking the issue directly to their boss's boss, but I didn't stab anyone in his back, #10 - Give credit; don't plagiarize. I told him that he did a fine job as far as managing a group of morons is concerned. He didn't like my tone and made the threat to take disciplinary action against me, but #3. Stand up for what you believe to be right gave me courage and I went all the way to VP and CEO because, hey, it is said in #6 -Don't give up until you've won. That didn't go well with either of them as they both called me a moron. But since #9- Be proud of your results told me that I am a true genius, the only way the whole event could make sense was everyone else, VP and CEO in particular, are real idiots, see #2 - Question everything and everybody for details. That naturally led me to #4- Do not suffer fools and since #7 - When you work- get a result. Don't waste your time insisted that I do #11-Teach - pass on knowledge, I promptly sent an email to all users within the company, informing everybody that our VP and CEO are the two biggest shitheads in this universe.

The next day I got fired. But based on what I've learned from #13 -Take direction enthusiastically once a decision is reached, I am now suing the company's ass off by following the one last great piece of advice from the list of principles: #1-Don't accept the status quo.