I am an automaton doll

devoid of any real affect

A shadow without substance

I hope I would become a human

take a plunge from the height of falsehood

penetrate to the tragic nature of human existence

have a choice to confront an abyss in subjectivity

Yet, I am, thus, in a double-bind situation

A lingering ecstasy of vis-à-vis

Not love but lust misconstrued

My relationship with human can only exist on the level of fantasy

A gaping hole, redoubled renunciation

A tic on my face

I am not a doll at all

(The poem was written on 1/20/2010; the picture taken from Kyoto)