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udn網路城邦
新時代
2011/07/07 11:18
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How to Be a Real Man 的作者是Dan Mulhern , 他的妻子是前密西根州州長, 現任民主黨的明星黨員.  他針對今年四月Newsweek 刊登的一篇關於許多男人因目前的經濟蕭條而產生的羞愧與無力感寫了以下給兒子的一封信.  我有兩個已成人的兒子, 感受很深, 願與大家分享, 同時也要向許多事業有成的優秀udn女格友們致意.

*****

The old rules don’t work—as I’ve learned being married to a powerful woman.  Here’s what I’m telling our son about modern manhood. 

Dear Jack,

At your physical yesterday, the nurse measured you at 5 feet 9 inches. You have officially passed your old man. And at 13, you’re not done growing. 

There’s never been a better time to grow into manhood, but not everyone thinks so. NEWSWEEK recently reported on the plight of the “Beached White Male.” “Man down!” they’re crying—and insisting we’d better man up. It got me thinking about what it means to be a man.  

I always thought that I would become governor, and then I’d “be the man.” But the train tracks got switched, and instead Mom pulled into that station. I came to wonder about my strength. Do you remember when I took you along to my speech about leadership to some Cisco executives in Chicago, where you ran the PowerPoint slides? During the Q&A someone asked you why your dad was a great leader. You told them that I faithfully visited the young man I mentor in the Big Brother program, even when he was frustrating and difficult. Then someone asked, “Why is your mom a great leader?” and you said, “Wow, my mom—where do I even start?” I felt my armor pierced by that contrast—Mom’s obvious, overwhelming heroism, and my leadership, such as it was, smaller, humbler. 

Male armor had always seemed to fit me well. As a young man I felt comfortable behind Ivy League walls, then moved easily through halls of power. When I launched my leadership consulting business, I enjoyed “eating what I killed,” as the macho maxim puts it. But the choices Mom and I made to put her public service in front of my career, and for me to lead at home, left me vulnerable and caused me to rethink what it means to “be a man.” It has not been a tragic end to my manhood, but a wondrous beginning. It’ll get even better for you. 

When your grandmothers were raised, being a woman meant being a housewife. But Mom and her generation seized new opportunities. As a prosecutor and attorney general, Mom developed extraordinary executive skills. I was proud, and learned to exult in her strengths. Her success freed me to see a man can be good—or great—without being a hero in war, sports, business, or politics. A strong man, Jack, is not threatened by others’ greatness. He’s comfortable with his own.  

I have loved raising you and your college-age sisters. It’s been a gift. I stepped out of my male armor. I now cry when I’m sad, afraid, or just overwhelmed by the beauty of a sonata or a newborn baby. I don’t feel less of a man. I do feel more of a human being.  

Jack, you can play all kinds of roles in your time. You can whack at someone with a lacrosse stick—or express courage as you did last week, when I watched you console your goalie while everyone else was mad at him for giving up the deciding goal. You showed me a strong man. 

My dad, like so many men of his generation, could tell his wife what to do. He could tell his staff. And his boss could tell him. You and I need a more nimble strength. For example, you will have to stand up to your woman. You will honor her when you treat her as an equal, neither unduly backing down nor asking her to give up her principles and experience. You won’t have clear social roles to inherit. Instead, you’ll have to talk, negotiate, sacrifice, and make it up as you go along. A modern warrior prevails not by sheer physical strength but by exercising his values with discipline.  

As a modern man, you’ll learn way more than if you were large and in charge. It used to be a man’s world (and, in some measure, it still is). If you lead like Mom, you’ll know how to persevere. You need not fear strong women, or dismiss gentle men. And if you so choose, you’ll be a great stay-at-home or lead parent, giving and receiving incredible lessons and profound joy.  Either way, it’s a great time to be a man!

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5樓. 甜水窩蜂鳥
2011/07/10 20:04
這男人的兒子....可嫁

讀這篇,讓我想起自己曾寫過的一篇"現代丈母娘的擇婿條件".

天使般的妻子,背後一定有個支持她、看顧她、肯定她、高舉她的男人.

要選夫婿先看他爸,這樣的男人,可嫁!


4樓. 不能正經
2011/07/08 17:38
自信無法外求
外求的自信,其實不過是沒有裡子的面子.
近來開始要幫兒子建立起正確的價值觀了,對我家這好面子的小獅子,我尤其想破除他對面子的執著.

因人成長的背景, 價值觀會有不同, 有時很難說對錯.

好面子這個性. . . 會讓自己很辛苦, 花不來! 

不可否認的是小傢伙聰明惹人愛, 我也喜歡他!

心情出口2011/07/09 00:15回覆

3樓. Apple *
2011/07/08 07:58
Be a Man

Dan Mulhern不是前密西根州長.

他的太太, Jennifer Granholm才曾是我們的女州長.

....But the choices Mom and I made to put her public service in front of my career, and for me to lead at home, left me vulnerable and caused me to rethink what it means to “be a man.”

Apple

專注他文章的內容, 居然把他的背景弄錯了, 謝謝Apple的修正. 

心情出口2011/07/08 12:35回覆
2樓. 不能正經
2011/07/08 06:46
a real man
很認同他的想法,因為某種程度上與我對現在男人的定義不謀而合。
人,不應小了眼界,想作個真正的男人,更不能小了眼界,他的文思,讀起來柔軟卻有種大氣,我喜歡!
特別喜歡這句:A modern warrior prevails not by sheer physical strength but by exercising his values with discipline.  

我也與我的兒子分享了這篇, 衷心希望他們也能當 "好男人"!

那句話, . . exercising values with discipline, 真的很棒. 

我覺得你也是會寫這麼棒一封信給兒子的好爸爸, 對吧?

心情出口2011/07/08 13:04回覆
1樓. 媽咪小妹
2011/07/08 04:06
Interesting
I will show this article to your old darling...
I hope he likes it. 心情出口2011/07/08 13:05回覆
Old darling 是媽咪小妹的, 不是我的. 心情出口2011/07/08 13:42回覆
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