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〈曠野〉 片 斷 3
2019/10/27 19:58
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「曠野」翻譯摘錄:
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我是拍攝電影「耶穌受難記」的梅爾吉卜森,想像身處在耶路撒冷的受難之路上,身心都在設想著體會著耶穌在十字架重負下,羅馬兵士的鞭笞驅策下,拼盡力氣與意志往髑髏山丘挪移。
然不是處在強制的暴力脅迫下,當然無法感受其間的情狀,純靠想像也無法還原感受當時的急度繃緊的情緒。沒有辦法單純藉著想像來抵受苦難底挫磨與生理和心理的崩潰。自由馳騁的想像無論若何也帶不來真實感受地苦難與刑罰。而更糟的是自己的意志一迄處在逃避去感同身受的態式,從不曾進入恍惚地磨難底感同身受,同時無論我懷著怎樣地心情來體驗追想,終究還是無從脫逋地辨識著身處安逸之中,意境承受地感受不可能轉移與傳逹。何況又不願涉險。我的體驗不具任何一丁點意思與效應,腦中無以抵制地徘徊著如何讓自己安逸舒活,根柢上就不曾也不打算墮入挫折受難之中,這樣的摸擬苦修全無意義。

「你若不能感受到耶蘇的受難,為世人捨命的過程,你就永無法進入基督的心靈。」我懷抱深思舉步啟行,起始階段有若大張旗鼓般地鄭重,雖只是心頭默想,來回咀嚼著基督徒虔敬的信念:「你不捨棄世上之一切,你就不能愛祂。」虔敬的信仰不由己地油然昇起。是的,在我靈魂底部,在我意識深處主是我主宰,我一直在隱晦地愛著主(這理念可能來自最早洗腦),我相信神,無條件信仰;對的,不可能有條件,「凡愛神的絕不可能指望神的回愛。」。

然而,另一方面內裡卻滋生相反的念頭,暗藏做個猶大底意思,對著最崇仰的天主,背棄的懷疑論也霎時可在另一面昇起,這是重對真理反證探底式地試探。蛇或魔鬼引誘從未在自己心頭消釋,自己覺得應有此包容與雅量,否則真理即邪惡。然而卻是惶悚的,不敢明目張膽觸及,只是在意識內讓之滋生擴張。自己很明白在匍匐傾倒,垂淚輸誠祈禱之後。轉念間,我又不得不再度讓質疑佔据自己心靈最純淨的理念:雖潛下心來體驗內在潛藏底敬畏與虔誠,實質上卻是離心離德,內心早已離棄天主。雖或說曾寄望著渺小若我者將來會復歸於主,然已翱翔遠颺的信仰及思想怎有可能回頭?只不過私衷寄望的冀想罷了。我無可違逆地相信信仰必然悖離理性,必須接受現代基因探討研究出來的證据,如此就無能回復最初的信仰,然私心總懷著最後的寄望於造物主,仍確信人絕不同於萬物,神的可能性在陰暗晦澀之中否棄理性與進化論。


I am Mel Gibson, who filmed the movie "The Passion of the Christ," thinking about being on the Way of Sorrow in Jerusalem. Both mind and body are envisioning the experience of Jesus under the burden of the cross, driven by the whip of the Roman soldiers, trying hard and will moved to the hills.

However, it is not under the coercive violent coercion, of course, can not feel the situation between them, purely by imagination can not restore the feeling of sudden and tight emotions at that time. There is no way to rely on imagination alone to withstand the end of suffering and physical and psychological collapse. The free-spirited imagination can not bring true suffering and punishment. What is even worse is that the will of oneself is escaping from the state of empathy. I have never been in the same place, and no matter how I feel the experience, I still have no way to identify myself. In the ease, the feeling of artistic conception can not be transferred and transmitted. Not to mention the risk. My experience does not have any meaning and effect. There is no way to resist how to make yourself comfortable and comfortable. The roots have never been and are not intended to fall into the frustration, and such temptations are meaningless. .

"If you can't feel the suffering of Jesus and sacrifice the life for the world, you will never enter the heart of Christ." I am thinking and moving forward, and I feel that the initial stage is as solemn as ever. Although it is only a meditation on the mind, chewing on the Christian devout faith: "You do not abandon everything in the world, you can not love Him." The devout faith can not help but rise up. Yes, at the bottom of my soul, in the depths of my consciousness, the Lord is my master, I have been concealingly loving the Lord (this idea may come from the earliest brainwashing), I believe in God, unconditional faith; right, there can be no conditions, "everyone who loves God can never expect God's love."

However, on the other hand, the inner thoughts breed the opposite idea, concealing the meaning of Judah, and facing the most admired God, the skepticism of the abandonment can also rise on the other side. This is a counter-evidence to the truth exploring the bottom. Snake or devil temptation has never been released in my own heart, I feel that there should be this tolerance and elegance, otherwise the truth is evil. However, it is an anxiety with fear, and it is daunting to touch it. Just let it grow and expand within consciousness. I know very well that I am dumping, crying and sincere prayer. In the turn of the moment, I have to once again ask the most pure idea of occupying my own mind: Despite the hidden heart to experience the inner hidden awe and piety, in essence, it is centrifugation and virtue, and the heart has long since forsaken God. Although I have hoped that I would be as small as me. will return to the Lord in the future. How can it be possible to return to the beliefs and thoughts that have soared? It’s just a matter of private hopes. I can't help but believe that faith must be deviated from reason. We must accept the evidence of modern gene research, so that we can't reply to the original belief. However, the private heart always hopes to be the creator with the final hope. Still convinced that man is absolutely different from all things, the possibility of God in the darkness of the abandonment of rationality and Evolution theory.
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