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August 2021 Hor-O-Scopes
2021/08/28 06:10
Ya'll know I love my lists and my list-making.

Perhaps that's why horoscopes appeal to me, they're nothing more than a bunch of lists anyway. And for 2021 everyone gets a resolution! Like it or not every sign has its own little list to bear, a burden of To-Dos and To-Don'ts. I will not be detailing the full annotated version of each sign here, naturally, since I do believe it would rival War & Peace for both length and scariness. Instead, I have merely settled in on a manageable January (and Aught-Seven) To-Do or To-Don't for each sign of the zodiac.

This is very self-helpy. I tried to pick the things that most stood out in each chart (in the general spirit of New Year's Resolutions) and since we're all fixer-uppers, each of us, it's a little on the Chicken Soup For The Horoscope side. Whoops! I promise there will be more cussing in the future, just to balance the cosmos. I don't know if I will keep writing these or not (they take hours! head is hurty!) but we'll see. I'm all cliffhanger that way.

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January 2021

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Long-term goals are odd things for Aquarians. On the one hand, ya'll can see forward into the possibility of the future better than a lot of signs. On the other hand, Lord ya'll are stubborn. Sure you see what COULD be possible, but stubbornly insist your path is on some other, parallel universe where nothing has been determined yet. Your 2021 To-Do: Create some peace in your day-to-day life by accepting a little routine. Routine is not synonymous with slow death, it's just where we spend a lot of time, between Big Ups and Big Downs. Learn to embrace even a little of your routine and you'll feel smoother on the inside, less like you're missing out on your big potential. To Don't: Don't miss out on your Big Potential. Aquarians occassionally need a good flogging to get them back on the straight and narrow path to personal greatness. Do you? Are you stubbornly resisting your own best life? (Told you this was self-helpy. Sorry!)

PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
To Do: Actually pick sides. I mean, sure, you always have an opinion hidden deep inside you, and sometimes you'll express a preference, or a hope, but just fully coming out with a Win-Place-Show card is tougher for you than any other sign. It's because you're kind, and can see both sides (and all twenty-seven, in fact) of a situation, and you don't want to hurt anyone or misstep or say or do a wrong thing. In 2021, you must take a stand, or pick a side, or choose one way or the other in your life. To Don't: Don't get paralyzed with the ominous sound of your year. (Choosing! ARGH!) Truth is, Pisces knows more about human emotion and creative solutions for problems than just about any other sign. If anyone can get through this upcoming year of choice with their dignity and cuteness intact, it is Pisces. And probably Cancer, too, but I am biased.

ARIES (March 21- April 19)
No one has ever accused an Aries of being too Pisces, too unable to take a stand or have an opinion or make up a big ol' Aries mind. No one ever confuses Aries with Cancer, always dreaming of the future or the past and never fully present. Aries can make decisions quickly, right now! In the moment! But Aries has a bit of an impulse-control issue, too, so in 2021 your To-Don't is clear: Don't live entirely based on your impulses. Use your big Aries brain and your equally big heart to balance out your decisions. Acting on impulse may be fine at the grocery store or the shoe store, but it gets harder to justify "I just wanted to!" with family and friends and work. Your To-Do for 2021 is a good one, though: Do spend more time indulging your snooty, refined, prissy self. Aries make excellent foodies, and great wine lovers, and fabulous art critics. Aries folks can enjoy the finer parts of life like nobody's business. Make it your business!

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
My Mom is a Taurus and she's alternately thrilled about the big year ahead, terrified of what could go wrong at any moment, or in complete "I'll think about that later" mode. Typical Taurus. This 2021 To Don't will be very tough for you: Don't minimize your own fear, or anxiety, for a minute longer. Ya'll tend to get nervous (or anxious, worried or scared) and suppress it to new and unknown nether regions of the psyche, where it rears up and wakes you in the middle of the night and then you lay awake and have no way to deal with it at three a.m. It's completely okay to be a basket case inside sometimes. Myself, I embrace this wholeheartedly. It's not weak to have worries or doubts, and it doesn't make you a wimpy old failure to fear something. Your 2021 To Do is happier: Do something on a regular basis just for you, something that pleases you and makes you happy and relaxes you. Ya'll are some of the best do-ers in the zodiac, so make your own comfort a project and put yourself at the top of the list of people you need to "do" for.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Your inherent love of love itself and tackling challenges and seeing new things and EXPERIENCING (!!!) LIFE can leave you, my little Gemini, a bit on the broker-than-an-8-track side. The year 2021 has a very simple DO for you: Do seriously get serious, I mean seriously, about finances. And your Don't is a natural, too: Don't automatically assume that fiscal integrity comes with a death sentence at Riker's. You can be fiscally responsible and still have a Gemini life! All you have to do is look at it this way: You are dealing with your finances so that you can find ALL the extra money available to have EVEN more fun and vacation and new cameras and excellent wine and all those little things that make a Gemini so much damn fun to be around.

CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Sometimes I save Cancer for the last, either because I can't see that far ahead into my own month or because it's too personal. This time, I rushed right to Cancer first, ready to tell all crabs everywhere that finally, hello, 2021 is here! That means we get a whole new list, a whole new year, a whole 'nother chance at love and happy and all those things we secretly wish for deep down in our crabby little hearts. Your January To-Don't is simple: Every time you start beating yourself up over something you said or did in the past, or start replaying a past mistake or bad situation in your head, STOP. And your To-Do is equally simple, but very satisfying: Use this month to exercise your future-tense daydream muscles. In place of all that time you spend in your head trying to fix or re-live the past, now just actively focus on daydreaming your future. See it in your mind, down to the shoes you'll wear. Be whoever you want to be in your futures, your fantasies, your imagination. Us crabs never fully live in the present, so if you have to choose between obsessing over the past (which you can never change) or daydreaming a beautiful future... always, always pick the future. (And yes, my daydreams include what shoes I will be wearing. Indeed!)

LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Ah, Leo, whose heart was broken in so many pieces. Luckily, 2021 is here and with it is a new chance, a new way to live, and love, and drive. Yes, drive. Ya'll need to be more careful with the driving, Lord! Your 2021 To-Do: Pick something you've always wanted to do, something you love, a place you want to visit, or a hobby you want to try, something. You are a creative and energetic wanna-be worrywart who needs new challenges, especially this year. It's up to you to find something to light your fire back up. Try a whole new variety of things, read, talk to new people, listen to different music. You need some place to go that is forward *and* outward, at the same time. Your 2021 To-Don't: Forget writing a lovesong to bring back the past happiness. You have to let go, it's over, it was meant to be over and done with. You lived it, you loved it, you're long past it. Now say it until you believe it. Then, finally, just say goodbye.

VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
I have a friend who is a complete and lovely Virgo, and her 2021 is shaping up to be a changey year, full of adventure in the quiet, controlled ways Virgo loves. People forget that Virgoes do love an adventure, because ya'll are more quiet and personal about it, which is not a bad thing. Your 2021 To-Do is a part of that: Do indulge your wandering gypsy side. There is a part of every Virgo that wants to be free and go forth to learn, and see new things, and get the chance to know more than anyone else. SO GO DO IT. You have a big brain, and you often are a know-it-all because, well, you do know a lot. (Capricorns give you a run for the know-it-all money). This year you'll have a life-changing move, it's in your chart. Make it matter. Your 2021 To-Don't: Don't let your quietness (about finances, or emotions, or sex, or a problem you have with your car/job/spouse) keep you from getting help if you need it. Even if it's just reaching out to a friend, or going to a good mechanic or doctor, don't keep something quiet that could be helped by talking.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
One of the interesting things about Libra is how well they seem to play with others. Libras really get a feel for people, and they can see an almost eerily clear picture of another's personality in record time. Your To-Do this year is a side-effect of all that philosophizing and summarizing you do: Turn your crystal-clear human perception skills on YOURSELF. Spend some time figuring out your own whys and hows, what you want for the future, get a very clear picture in your head of who you are and who you want to be. By the way, this is like asking a Libra to cut off a leg. So easy! To Don't: Don't keep a list in your head of all the wrongdoing or misdeeds or he-said she-said so-and-so. It's a natural and normal part of your people skills, you see people for who they are, and sometimes you don't like a lot of it. But we're all just human, including you, which is why this year it would be a good idea to stop making lists of all the ways others are broken (or need fixing, depending on whether or not you are a glass half-full sort of Libra) and focus on your own personal list.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Last year ya'll about worked yourselves into a frenzy and you had such a busy (and stressful) year, it's hard to look back and see all good. But it wasn't all bad. You certainly accomplished a lot! The Scorpio 2021 To-Don't is a tough one, but it's doable and it will forever shape your days and weeks and years into something good: STOP THAT ONE THING YOU DO. You know what I mean. You have one key overriding personality trait that makes your life insane. Some of ya'll are jealous, some of you are angry, or grudge-holders, or mean arguers, or leavers-before-I-get-hurters. You know who you are. You have one needling issue that gets you in trouble over and over. STOP IT. And your 2021 To-Do is an extension of that mantra: Channel all your intensity (and that ONE THING YOU DO, dammit) into something healthy or fun or decadent or artsy or profitable. Scorpios have more passion than just about any folks I know. If you could spend less time trying to get out of situations you "somehow got in" and spend more time funneling your hot-headedness into your happy/fun/entertaining/work life, 2021 would be the perfect year.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
To Do: Make fact-checking a part of your 2021 . It's easy for adorable little Sag to get into all sorts of scrapes and messes because you believed someone, took a thing at face value, or worse yet -- didn't do your research. So, the coming year is all about getting your facts straight, seeing things for what they are instead of what you hope they end up being. Ask questions, look for second opinions, make sure someone is who they claim to be before you walk into a (metaphorical) dark alley with them. To Don't: Really. Don't go walking down any dark alleys, either real or metaphorical, if you can at all avoid it. This year is Sag's year of light and openness and there's just no need for darkened rooms anymore, or secrets, or messes.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
I love me some Capricorns. I have all kinds of Cappy friends, and my Dad is a Capricorn, too. Your 2021 is marked by change, good change, and I keep reminding myself (so I will remind you, too) that all change -- even when it's awesome, and expected, and anticipated -- creates stress. It's just stress. You don't have to plan it away, or worry it away, or decision it away. You can actually have stress and that's it, no to-do list at all. Of course, you are a Capricorn so you would shoot me if I just left you hanging there. Your 2021 To Don't: Don't rush headfirst into a thing just because you have the deep, scary sense that life is careening along out of your immediate control and you MUST MAKE A DECISION NOW. Truth is, this will be a busy and chang-y year for Cappies, so you're going to feel crazy sometimes. Don't make decisions just to assuage your crazy self. To Do: Breathe. Roll along with it for a while, see what your options are, and when you start feeling pressured (ya'll always put more pressure on yourselves than anyone else does!) make it your absolute priority to have some quiet time to think. Your one best asset this year will be your brain, use it! Your second best asset is your heiney. Do with it what you will.
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