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To Marissa Mason
2021/08/03 05:06
First I just have to say this is an excellent website – I don’t have children but I would very much like to and this is a great resource for feminist mums, so I thought I’d read up on the issues.

My experience with this kind of thing has been pretty bad – I had a couple of abortions when I was younger, and then I miscarried twice later on when I was older. I stopped trying for a bit because nothing was happening (too much pressure on myself, I think) and I got married this past summer so that took a lot of my attention anyway. I am trying again now so fingers crossed! But since I’ve been married I’ve been asked by loads of people (my bosses, my husband’s parents, close friends, fair weather friends, people I’ve only just met, etc. etc.) when I’ll be trying for one.

First, I consider it rude to ask about another person’s sex life, especially if you don’t really know them, and that’s what this is. One of my colleagues got asked once “Where was your daughter conceived?” and she answered “Do you just need the name of the place or would you like the position as well?”. But second, it’s also quite painful – I don’t know if I can, and I don’t need to be reminded of it by strangers or people I’m not that fond of. It’s the way they stand there staring when they’ve asked, too – I can’t just laugh and not answer, they’ve pretty much demanded I tell them, and they feel as though they’re entitled to know!

I don’t know, maybe I just need to suck it up a little, but when my sister’s baby died a number of years ago (her first, we didn’t know if she would be able to have any more either but I’m glad to say she went on to have another two) it occurred to me that people don’t know the reasons why a person doesn’t have a child – it might be something very tragic that they don’t need bringing up. She might have had to suffer other people (including my other sister) giving birth almost immediately after this happened (which isn’t anyone’s fault, not hers or theirs), but we could all hold our tongues and not make it any worse!

Anyway, hope I didn’t bring too much of a downer to the posting
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